Tag Archives: biracial

Black Love Shaming

Greetings World Wide Web,

Have you walked in a public place and seen two people walking together  from 2 different races and just stared? Is it your curiosity or just your bias steering the wheel? What’s your for or against argument among the people whom you’re comfortable enough to let it all hang out? I’m talking about those conversations with parents, siblings and besties.  If you want true feelings about race relations and/or how someone really feels, you’re probably going to have to be a fly on the wall during those times. Other than that, you’re likely getting the PG-13 version. Shaming is deeper. It’s when someone is calling you out because of your choice of a mate. It can be subtle or blatant, but it’s certainly meant to call out your choice of a different race as not the thing to do.

I don’t think we need to come to that level of candor to make progress. People should be entitled to their opinions as long as those opinions don’t physically or emotionally harm another person directly.

This piece just crossed my mind because I was recently in a forum.  I was looking at the timeline and there were these celebrations of “black love.”  My perspective on it was totally different. The timeline was showing “TI & Tiny” “Beyonce & Jay-Z” “Mariah & Nick” and plenty of others. I thought, Tiny is biracial, Beyonce is tri-racial and so is Mariah. How is that “black love?” I guess what makes them “black” is how they’ve chosen to live their lives? Wouldn’t that then make “black love” essentially include mixed couples? I’m not petitioning an endorsement. I’m ultimately just addressing the current logic behind today’s realities and inconsistencies. More often than not when we see the more obvious mixtures where a black person and a white person or a black person and some other very obvious different race or ethnicity are in a relationship there’s chatter. Y’all know the chatter.  I’m not saying it’s everyone, but it’s some. With a history deeply rooted in 1 drop  that would make a “black” person’s offspring “black” or at least a consideration in the conversation of “diaspora” when there’s at least 1 parent who is black,  it’s hard to believe there is any level of shaming that takes place, but it does.  Mercy forgive if the 2 people who are in their interracial or multi-ethnic relationship has a child & that child doesn’t hold tight to their “black” heritage.  They will quickly be classified as racially confused.  Don’t let them say it on Twitter… There is an individual engine called ‘black Twitter” that will educate them quickly or make them wish that they never even spoke in the 1st place.

In other race and ethnicity around the world, children with 1 black parent aren’t allowed to classify as just that ethnicity or race solely in many cases including being mixed black and white American.  Ex: half Asian/black children aren’t often moving to Asia with the sole classification of being just Asian. Largely they are now mixed race. They can comfortably be embraced like Kimora Lee or Karreuche among “black” people. The kicker is that when their parents are in the interracial relationship, they’re often not accepted by either Asian or black Americans communities comfortably in many cases.

As I take a look at “black” celebrities there is a high biracial identity span with even Latinas who are biracial and tri-racial playing black women parts in movies and etc.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a “black” American women playing a Latina part to date or anything thereof.

This  is stretching the rabbit hole of colorism (darkskin & lightskinned) black people far beyond reach because “some black” is “black” but interracial couples are still shamed. The media is making “biracial” the new face of beauty everywhere you look and the India Aries & Lupita Nyongos are “cute for dark women” You’d think with all the shaming that would be all you see on posters instead of lengthening techniques to “mix look” Z and tight S-shaped curls because the “nappy hair” is truly not in, but we’ve silently made it movement. Just walk down the aisle at your local beauty supply store. The faces on the products all look biracial. This is another blog worth pages so I continue along to the point.

Why then would there be “black love” shaming?  I think more than ever it’s time to embrace the rich diversity of the “black” community. It’s also time to have a coming to Savior meeting about realities long ignored and how to sweep up at our own back door. There’s a unique heart for love, acceptance and long-suffering where some practices are outdated and it’s time to ultimately embrace a seemingly evolving reality. You  don’t have to eyeball the white woman walking down the street holding hands with her black man. Trust me, she’s facing her own set of unique circumstances from people who look like her just for standing by who she loves. She probably needs a sistah’s help when she gives birth to a child that has curls and she needs to learn a moisture regimen just to keep the hair from breaking. She’ll also need help with fully understanding what the black experience is and how to effectively introduce her “black” child to society. Whether she/he thought of that or not before she fell in love is not relevant. In the black community we marvel over the mixtures at how “cute” mixed children are, but shame the couples who make them in some cases. There’s also the added part that if the couple bares a child based on a current census of understanding, the child will return right back to identifying as “black” but “yella, or light-skinned or red bone” or something like that. There’s a whole heap of “good hair” sayings where biracial people blend quietly into “black” culture with the “black folk” with Indian in their blood.

I know very passionate people who didn’t choose to fall in love with someone who is racially or ethnically different from them. This doesn’t change their black experience. It also won’t change their children’s experience either. I’ve found it to be a bridge over troubled waters in some cases.  It surely hasn’t changed mine. Contrarily I’ve been invited behind closed doors and even invited to conversations from people who look at my world from the outside. It increased my awareness and even made me more passionate about my identity. It didn’t happen before making me feel horrible for years. I’ve had several coming to Savior meetings with myself over the years. I’ve heard hard truths, mean opinions, been wounded and stopped in my tracks with wanting to be around anyone who doesn’t look like me. I lived to love again. Every single new experience with an awesome person built me back up so I could jump back into this wonderful diverse world of people with so much I can learn from.

I purposefully don’t stare at people who are brave in their life choices. That takes courage. LGBT, mixed couples and so many other people who aren’t what our society places it’s “normal” stamp of approval on.  When they walk into the world elated with the love being offered to them by another human they should be embraced. If I make eye contact, which I normally try to do, I smile at all the beautiful brave souls I see because I know what they feel. I also want to send them love and light.

Contrarily, for the people who openly intend to shame with their words, I feel sorry for them. They’re missing out on realities that whether they’re comfortable with them or not, are moving forward and growing stronger.

Until the Next,

XOXO,

MarjorieIam

 

 

“Por UNO Pagan Todos”

Hello WWW,

So the title!?   I know that it may look foreign to some people.  You may wonder if you clicked on the wrong page.  I’ll make sure to explain it.  Have you ever walked into any setting and been the only person in the room that looks like you, or representative of your race, culture or ethnicity?  In a world that is at least leaning towards now giving lip service to the concept of diversity, singular situations are becoming more common.  I’ve been in this spot a few times.  At times its been purposeful.  Partly because of the explorer inside of me, and because I’m interested in things (music, food, locations, etc) that are outside of the limits of what stereotype and mainstream dictate.  This can happen to anyone.  There’s not a race, culture or ethnic prerequisite.  As a member of an interracial family, I have to tell you the first few years of interactions with my in-laws were BRUTAL!  I made it to a point where hatred was being born in my heart I promise.  This is not an easy place.  I’m going to paint a quick picture for those unfamiliar.

You are a black (woman/man) walking into a room with only caucasian (or other different) people.  Someone walks up to you and begins to start one of two conversations; one that involves Barack Obama or fried chicken.  Every question is asked with the expectation that you can answer for THE ENTIRE BLACK RACE and all it’s participants good and bad.  You begin to attempt to explain by gently opening the door to a world that is just as diverse as the birds in the trees with its individual sets of opportunity and obstacles.  You realize you’re talking to someone who doesn’t have an earthly concept of what you’re mentioning.  Instead they address you with a demeaning behavior and make it brutally clear that they believe you should act and react the way that media has told them you should.  They start neck popping, quite horribly, speaking slang, and talking about “black people” as if it were a meat label.  If you get upset because of “their” ignorance then you’re an angry black woman, further feeding the furry of ignorance.   Ignorance is not derogatory here, it’s truly not knowing.  This can also happen if a person had ONE bad experience with someone who represents your racial classification.  You must pay!  You are them, and you have the same ideas, and are a replica.

The title is ‘por uno pagan todos”  It is a phrase in Spanish used quite often that says, “Everyone pays for one.”  Does everyone carry the weight of an entire racial/ethnic classification on their backs?  It’s amazing that one bad interaction; the person who cut you off in traffic or was mean to you in high school, can dictate how someone receives and entire group of people.  This also happens when someone has never had an interaction and only knows what they’ve been told by people and media outlets.   There are many rhetorical theory that say in bulk that we even gather & congregate with people who see interactions through the same lens.  The only way to break down walls is to trust that one person can NEVER carry the weight of their race of their backs.  I want to encourage everyone reading this to give a new person another chance.  This time leave the rhetoric and bias at the door.  I promise you can have a different, and even life changing experience.

Until the Next,

Others’Mother /  @MarjorieIam

 

Race, Do you REALLY have a choice?

beautiful

 

Hello World Wide Web!  I want to share with you where my journey has recently taken me.  As my children continue to grow and become school aged, I’m really being placed into an atmosphere where I’m actually examining first hand the selection of race and ethnicity.  My daughter is now in kindergarten, and my three-year old has entered a pre-school program.   I know I’ve shared this but just for reference, my children are in my eyes, African-American & Latino.  I didn’t know until recently that a final determination of how our school systems view our children depends on their father’s race or ethnicity.  My children’s father is Latino.  When my daughter started pre-school, I entered her race on her school application as “Other” and proceeded to explain in the area beside that box, my race and her father’s ethnicity.  After reviewing her records, I found that her race was changed to Indian, and her ethnicity, Latino.  I thought, do we really have a choice?  Can we truly give an explanation of our children’s background?  Recently, entering my son into a pre-school program; I was advised of the same information.  That his race was determined in our school system by the race of his father.  In essence, now the system is telling me, as an African-American woman, that my children are now Latino/Hispanic.

I want my children to embrace all of their identity.  The fact that they aren’t allowed to and even forced into an institutional box for statistical purposes shows up on my radar with big alarms going off.   Now there are people who have a father that is African-American, and find being placed by their father is ok.  I think the choice should be a personal choice.  The problem is that it is not.

When I take my daughter to school daily, I watch a man enter with his three children.  He has two girls and one boy.  He is white and his children from their appearances seem to be what some would refer to as just “light-skinned” black.  As a white “man” I wonder how he feels that the rule does not apply to him. That the male race rule could never apply just because he is a white man.  I often want to stop and talk to him and just ask.  That’s a unique perspective that I have yet to gather.

We have a box on the US Census called “Other”, that generally Latino, biracial, and even people who fit comfortably with a race, but belong to an ethnicity other than the social norm like Italian, Jewish etc. check to show themselves uniquely.  I’ve even spoken to an African-American man who said he checks the box “OTHER.”  I met a woman who appeared to have African descent, and a man from Haiti, recently at dinner who informed me that they “do not” place themselves as African-American or Black, because they are not.  I find that most people self identify, but do we really have a choice of racial and ethnic identification?  Chime in & share your experiences & information below.

As always, thank you so much for visiting.  Please be sure to follow the conversation on Twitter @wecheckother

Until the next,

XOXOXO,

Others’ Mother