Category Archives: Relationships

Black Love Shaming

Greetings World Wide Web,

Have you walked in a public place and seen two people walking together  from 2 different races and just stared? Is it your curiosity or just your bias steering the wheel? What’s your for or against argument among the people whom you’re comfortable enough to let it all hang out? I’m talking about those conversations with parents, siblings and besties.  If you want true feelings about race relations and/or how someone really feels, you’re probably going to have to be a fly on the wall during those times. Other than that, you’re likely getting the PG-13 version. Shaming is deeper. It’s when someone is calling you out because of your choice of a mate. It can be subtle or blatant, but it’s certainly meant to call out your choice of a different race as not the thing to do.

I don’t think we need to come to that level of candor to make progress. People should be entitled to their opinions as long as those opinions don’t physically or emotionally harm another person directly.

This piece just crossed my mind because I was recently in a forum.  I was looking at the timeline and there were these celebrations of “black love.”  My perspective on it was totally different. The timeline was showing “TI & Tiny” “Beyonce & Jay-Z” “Mariah & Nick” and plenty of others. I thought, Tiny is biracial, Beyonce is tri-racial and so is Mariah. How is that “black love?” I guess what makes them “black” is how they’ve chosen to live their lives? Wouldn’t that then make “black love” essentially include mixed couples? I’m not petitioning an endorsement. I’m ultimately just addressing the current logic behind today’s realities and inconsistencies. More often than not when we see the more obvious mixtures where a black person and a white person or a black person and some other very obvious different race or ethnicity are in a relationship there’s chatter. Y’all know the chatter.  I’m not saying it’s everyone, but it’s some. With a history deeply rooted in 1 drop  that would make a “black” person’s offspring “black” or at least a consideration in the conversation of “diaspora” when there’s at least 1 parent who is black,  it’s hard to believe there is any level of shaming that takes place, but it does.  Mercy forgive if the 2 people who are in their interracial or multi-ethnic relationship has a child & that child doesn’t hold tight to their “black” heritage.  They will quickly be classified as racially confused.  Don’t let them say it on Twitter… There is an individual engine called ‘black Twitter” that will educate them quickly or make them wish that they never even spoke in the 1st place.

In other race and ethnicity around the world, children with 1 black parent aren’t allowed to classify as just that ethnicity or race solely in many cases including being mixed black and white American.  Ex: half Asian/black children aren’t often moving to Asia with the sole classification of being just Asian. Largely they are now mixed race. They can comfortably be embraced like Kimora Lee or Karreuche among “black” people. The kicker is that when their parents are in the interracial relationship, they’re often not accepted by either Asian or black Americans communities comfortably in many cases.

As I take a look at “black” celebrities there is a high biracial identity span with even Latinas who are biracial and tri-racial playing black women parts in movies and etc.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a “black” American women playing a Latina part to date or anything thereof.

This  is stretching the rabbit hole of colorism (darkskin & lightskinned) black people far beyond reach because “some black” is “black” but interracial couples are still shamed. The media is making “biracial” the new face of beauty everywhere you look and the India Aries & Lupita Nyongos are “cute for dark women” You’d think with all the shaming that would be all you see on posters instead of lengthening techniques to “mix look” Z and tight S-shaped curls because the “nappy hair” is truly not in, but we’ve silently made it movement. Just walk down the aisle at your local beauty supply store. The faces on the products all look biracial. This is another blog worth pages so I continue along to the point.

Why then would there be “black love” shaming?  I think more than ever it’s time to embrace the rich diversity of the “black” community. It’s also time to have a coming to Savior meeting about realities long ignored and how to sweep up at our own back door. There’s a unique heart for love, acceptance and long-suffering where some practices are outdated and it’s time to ultimately embrace a seemingly evolving reality. You  don’t have to eyeball the white woman walking down the street holding hands with her black man. Trust me, she’s facing her own set of unique circumstances from people who look like her just for standing by who she loves. She probably needs a sistah’s help when she gives birth to a child that has curls and she needs to learn a moisture regimen just to keep the hair from breaking. She’ll also need help with fully understanding what the black experience is and how to effectively introduce her “black” child to society. Whether she/he thought of that or not before she fell in love is not relevant. In the black community we marvel over the mixtures at how “cute” mixed children are, but shame the couples who make them in some cases. There’s also the added part that if the couple bares a child based on a current census of understanding, the child will return right back to identifying as “black” but “yella, or light-skinned or red bone” or something like that. There’s a whole heap of “good hair” sayings where biracial people blend quietly into “black” culture with the “black folk” with Indian in their blood.

I know very passionate people who didn’t choose to fall in love with someone who is racially or ethnically different from them. This doesn’t change their black experience. It also won’t change their children’s experience either. I’ve found it to be a bridge over troubled waters in some cases.  It surely hasn’t changed mine. Contrarily I’ve been invited behind closed doors and even invited to conversations from people who look at my world from the outside. It increased my awareness and even made me more passionate about my identity. It didn’t happen before making me feel horrible for years. I’ve had several coming to Savior meetings with myself over the years. I’ve heard hard truths, mean opinions, been wounded and stopped in my tracks with wanting to be around anyone who doesn’t look like me. I lived to love again. Every single new experience with an awesome person built me back up so I could jump back into this wonderful diverse world of people with so much I can learn from.

I purposefully don’t stare at people who are brave in their life choices. That takes courage. LGBT, mixed couples and so many other people who aren’t what our society places it’s “normal” stamp of approval on.  When they walk into the world elated with the love being offered to them by another human they should be embraced. If I make eye contact, which I normally try to do, I smile at all the beautiful brave souls I see because I know what they feel. I also want to send them love and light.

Contrarily, for the people who openly intend to shame with their words, I feel sorry for them. They’re missing out on realities that whether they’re comfortable with them or not, are moving forward and growing stronger.

Until the Next,

XOXO,

MarjorieIam

 

 

An African American in the Global Community

Good Afternoon World Wide Web,

I’m interested in sharing a story.  I want everyday people to view this blog and think, “I get it.”  With that being said I’m going to tell you about my morning so far and bring a little of my life experiences and questions into the blog.  I went to a forum this morning where there was representation from countries around the world.  From a color perspective, the majority of those represented were in the beige and white family.  They could easily check “white” as their race, assimilate into society and if they lack an accent would enjoy white privilege without a problem.  Everyone went around the room introducing themselves and stating their countries of origin.  When it was my turn, I stated my name, occupation, and why I had an interest in being there.  There were a few items that I noticed but the most important was, there weren’t any African-Americans present.  I’m not saying that there should or shouldn’t be.  I’m stating what I saw.  There were several white American born people in the room.  Actually, the person moderating the event appeared to be white American and he even had white American constituency present.  I thought, WoW!  In a growing economy, where the world is becoming increasingly diverse and expanding across borders, there aren’t any stakeholders from the community present besides ME!

I have to admit when I say my first and last name, there’s somewhat of a pass because of the Latin origin.  There were several representatives from various parts of Latin America present.  The un-chartered waters that I meet when I walk into a room and can speak another language is interesting to explain.  I’m a sell out to my community at times, and I’m Latina to others….It’s the life and times of the mixed experience.  How can you explain in a parochial society that you have an interest in both places? How do you help people who have no real reason or interest understand that you are a stakeholder in both places?  We’re still getting there.  I imagine that after the world has given “everyone else” no choice but to accept that, “the world’s transactions and interactions are now GLOBAL” people will be more accepting.  The truth is, by that time the rules to engage will have already been created by the stakeholders with a seat at the table and everyone else will be following them.

I can’t make you understand how it feels when I go somewhere and there’s a surprised look or receptions when I say, “I’m African-American” but speak another language yet when I see someone who is an immigrant speaking proper English as their second language, it’s accepted makes me feel.  It reminds me of the dual consciousness that still plagues the community.  The homeless diaspora; where Africa is far away and America is beyond reach.  To explain that I  have an interest in the international conversation just furthers spaces me away from the collective “Black or African-American” community.  There’s a tendency for white people and even some immigrants to believe that if there is a native of Africa in the room that means “Black American” representation.  Although the country of origin is the same, there’s a disconnect in many cases.  There is language. cultural barriers and so much more.  Moreover, immigrants from Africa tend to speak multiple languages.  They even get a pass because on a larger scale, more people expect that they will at least be bilingual.  I’m sure that this isn’t the reality everywhere.  I believe that more culturally diverse places around the world have people who are active and participating on a global scale in business and conversations.  I’m bringing attention to a confederate south and other less progressive leadership pools where those changes haven’t begun to take place.

What do you think?  How does your city look?  Chime in below.  Progress happens in the details.

Until the next,

-MarjorieIam

50 Years Later

Banning-Interracial-Marriage

 

 

Good Morning World Wide Web!  Today in the United States the waves of telecommunications are ignited with the commemoration of a milestone.  One that took place 50 years ago.  That milestone was the peak of a movement called the Civil Rights Movement.  There was a march on the U.S. capital led by several Civil Rights activists.  The activist most famous to Americans is Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.  Dr. King delivered the famous “I have a Dream” speech 8/28/1963.  The goal of this movement was to make sure that the rights of all people were equally protected by the law, including the rights of minorities.   There were movements that took place around the world that were similar.

The Independence Movements in Africa, Canada’s Quiet Revolution, The North Ireland civil rights movement, The Chicano Movement, The American Indian movement, German Students Movement, France, and so many others.  Simultaneously, there were movements going on around the world.  They all fought for equality in the eyes of the law for whatever the subject or issue was.

Someone recently told me that we can’t understand the future unless we understand our history.  Knowing where we come from is essential to gaining traction in where we are going as people in our world.  Continuing to progress is based on understanding what we are building upon.  Unless people are going to break up and fall out of love, or there are going to be groups of melanin content to just disappear, diversity is going to become one of the single most important elements of our existence.  Changes that will challenge our current understanding and force many outside of their comfort zones.

50 years later, we’ve had laws continue and some reversed.  We’ve seen things change and some that have stayed the same.  The ones that are important to all of us are unique.  Dr. King’s “I have a dream speech” allowed him to open his heart wide when he imagined the 4 most important people to him; his children;  having a life that he could have only dreamed about at that time.  He poured his heart into his words, and people with similar dreams followed, and marched; peacefully.

The Racial Integrity Act of 1924 prohibited the marriage of people classified as “white” and people classified as “colored.” On June 12, 1967 “Loving vs. Virginia” was a landmark civil rights case that invalidated laws prohibiting interracial marriage in the United States.  This landmark case was followed by an increase from that time in marriages of interracial couples.

Anti-Miscegenation-Laws-Map

 

 

Federal immigration and military policies also prevented interracial marriages.  After World War II , American soldiers were forbidden to marry “foreign” women.

A 2012 Study at UCLA showed unmarried same-sex couples and straight couples have higher rates of interracial relationships than married couples.  If you expand the scope of this information to couples that actually adopt children of different races then the numbers of interracial families are higher also.   The fact that interracial couples aren’t marrying shows that our society is still very far from being “post racial” or “colorblind.”  Often the element of couples can marry interracially is used to show that we live in a post racial society.  Do we truly live in a post racial society?  The box OTHER (referring to a race) other than what’s been available since the 1800’s didn’t become a part of the US Census until the year 2000.  This information along with recent activities, like a Cheerios commercial that ignited, support, fury and in some cases racial hatred to come to the surface, should encourage us to explore these factors that shape our understandings, and still limit interracial couples, biracial children and racial relations so that we can truly advance and become the diverse nation we were founded to be.

As Always, Thank you for your time and energy.  I appreciate your support!  Join the conversation on Twitter @wecheckother.  Until the Next,

Others’Mother